But if your spouse makes financial mistakes, they become your mistakes. Same-sex marriage advocates speak often of money-related benefits of matrimony, such as that married people in most transactions are viewed as better credit risks than single persons. Your spouse buys a Rolex watch without consulting you? Has a gambling debt you were never told about? You are liable. In most states, spouses are responsible for each other’s debts - even debts of which they are unaware. Married people have financial obligations that single persons are spared.A child is your responsibility till age 18, regardless of what happens in the marriage. If things go poorly, children can bring unhappiness, and the ethical parent cannot under any circumstances walk away. The reality is that kids take over your life, even if all goes well. Children may be romanticized by the unwed, including by unwed gays, as an exciting delight.But Lord almighty there was a lot of work, expense and obligation involved. My wife and I raised three children, all wonderful.
Spouses have two-way obligations to each other parents have one-way obligations to children. Raising children is far harder than your worst-case analysis.Gays and lesbians beware, marriage can mean lifelong close connection to people you have not chosen and perhaps haven’t even met. Once marriage happens, families on both sides may invite themselves in. Two single people in a romance are motivated primarily by attraction to each other. You’re not just marrying a person, you are marrying his or her family.Many wedded people experience marriage quite differently. On “I Love Lucy,” marriage was a laugh a minute. It can be sad to be alone to be married to the wrong person can cause wretchedness. For a not inconsiderable number, marriage becomes a cause of misery.Even in successful marriages, the restriction on freedom can be a source of stress. (In theory there can be open marriages, but my guess is that about 15 people in world history have achieved an open marriage with two happy partners). Married people accept significant restrictions on personal freedom.There are many negatives attached to matrimony: (You’d have to check with my wife for her side of the story.)īut advocates of same-sex marriage speak as if wedded bliss were all wine and roses. I’ve been married for 23 years and am glad of that fact every day. Marriage indeed brings privileges - community respect, health care benefits for spouses, improved credit ratings, the presumption of fitness for parenthood. Human Rights Watch phrases same-sex marriage as a “right to equality.” The New York Times editorialized that New York’s new law expands the chance to “enjoy the legal rights of marriage.” Same-sex marriage is likely to follow the same progression.īut as the saying goes - be careful what you wish for.Īdvocates of gay matrimony speak entirely of the privileges received by those whose unions are recognized by the state. Today it’s legal everywhere in the United States, unremarkable, and endorsed even by most religious conservatives. Two generations ago, interracial marriage was viewed as scandalous, and often proscribed by law.
Gay marriage is gaining in social acceptance. New York is about to become the sixth state to recognize same-sex marriage, doing so by decision of its legislature, not judicial fiat.